Saturday, 4 February 2017

The World Is Going Bananas

bent bananas

Do you ever feel like the whole world has gone bananas?

Well, that's how I feel, as if I'm trapped in some sort of an absurd alternative reality. One in which half the world's population has suddenly decided to swap common sense for conspiracy theories, treat scientific facts as subjective opinions, and base their political decisions on bananas. At least size still matters...

No, I've not gone bananas, but I do seem to have too much time on my hands. Or nothing interesting to do, whatever. You see, I've been having the flu for a few days now, and I decided to take it easy and get some rest and stay at home etc... And to keep myself entertained I've been watching TV, reading newspapers and spent way too much time on Twitter. Yeah, I know: all sorts of loonies there...

Anyway, as I said, the world has gone crazy, and here's the evidence:

Exhibit A: The Bananagate

If you follow me on Twitter (you really shouldn't; that's where I let my crazy side loose), you may have wondered why I keep posting pictures of bananas...

Remember the referendum on whether the UK should leave the European Union? It appears some people voted LEAVE because of bananas... Yes, they want bendy bananas instead of straight ones and think that the EU won't let them have them. Bendy bananas, that is.

No, I'm not making this up (I wish), and this myth was also spread by Vote Leave campaign last spring, possibly even earlier. Anyway, I'm not sure what shocks me more: that someone makes the most important political decision of their life based on bananas, or that they admit that on TV...

bendy bananas

 Now, I've visited about half a dozen EU countries this past year, and I must say that I've never seen straight bananas, anywhere. Not that I've paid much attention. To be honest, it's not exactly a priority in my life...

Anyway, as I said, I've been at home for a couple of days and I'm getting bored out of my head, and that's when I always get some crazy ideas... so I though I should get photographic evidence that there are indeed bendy bananas in the EU. And here we are! The bananas in these pictures came from my local shop, in Helsinki, Finland (which is an EU country, of course). It's not a huge sample, I admit, so next time I go abroad I will try and remember to photograph more bananas. You know, like a real investigative reporter... I'll keep you posted.

 Exhibit B: It's all about size...

...of the ego, that is. That SNL joke was really funny: the toddler-in-chief is obsessed with how many people attended his little party, and throws a hissy-fit on Twitter... Wait, it wasn't a joke?! What does he think this show is, American Idol?

OK, please send little Donny's nanny a note that little Donny needs a better hobby. And the other world leaders don't want to play The Apprentice all the time, and he has to play nice and let them fire him sometimes, too...

bananagate

Exhibit C: my facts are just as good as your facts

And if I say I'm a tall supermodel, well, then, that's the way it is. And you just have to accept that. Because when you say that I'm a short, middle-aged woman, well, that's just your opinion, and my opinion is the only fact that matters...

Damn! I thought it would work. You know, if you really believe something is true, then it's going to be true. Or, the more Orwellian version: I can believe in two contradictory, mutually exclusive facts simultaneously... No?

And here I thought these days we could just choose the facts we like. I thought it was all about what you want to believe now. That facts are subjective, a matter of taste, a bit like opinions, really. And if you don't like my facts, well, that's just because they're alternative facts. But they're just as good as your facts.

Besides, not all facts, alternative or not, are equal. Some facts, or alternative facts, are more equal than others. It all really just boils down to whose (alternative) facts are more popular...

alternative facts

But there are still some obstinate liberals left in the world...

You know, those people who just won't get it that democracy stops when their side loses. And because their side lost, they don't have freedom of speech anymore. Because now the other side has it. It's like Stanley Cup or whatever: only one team can take it home. Duh!

And then this stupid idea of diversity... If people want bendy bananas, then that's what they should get. Not tailor-made bananas. Or mini-bananas. Or green bananas. One size fits all, that's it.

bendy bananas

DISCLAIMER:
No bananas were harmed in the making of this blog post. All bananas posed for photos willingly, although not of their own initiative. All bananas are EU nationals and thus do not require work permits. The bananas will not be available for comments or further photo opportunities because they will be eaten within the next few days. 

Tiina

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8 comments

  1. I really really like you're way of thinking and writing! I started following your blog because I'm 'a short middle-aged woman', looking for some realistic fashion tips, but I enjoy "the other kind" of newsletter you send.

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    1. Thank you so much, Gertie! I always wonder if people really want to read this type of posts, and yet I feel so strongly that I need to speak up. So, your words mean a lot to me.

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  2. Hahaha... this was really funny. Great post, even though it is out of frustration over the recent events. Yes the world has gone bananas, I agree.
    Greetje

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    1. Thanks, Greetje. Yes, it sometimes feels as if the world is crumbling around us, and sarcasm is my way of dealing with it.

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  3. You should become a standup comedian. Oh hell....You already are! A ,,net,, comedian. You write so funny and interresting!

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    1. Thanks! And like most standup comedians, I have a serious message, too...

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  4. Whew! I worried maybe you were exploiting bananas. I hope they had a happy life after the photoshoot. Very funny bit. Hope you feel better.

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    1. Thanks! Don't worry, the bananas had a very happy (but very short) life...

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